Going Back to Nam and Other Life Updates

My youngest brother's getting married on St. Patrick's day. For his honeymoon, he's going to Viet Nam. Luckily, he didn't care that the rest of the family tagged along so Nicole and I, my brother Ted and his wife Lauri and my mother are off to Viet Nam for two weeks at the end of March. I can't wait. We were able to find a hotel right on China Beach looking over the Pacific Ocean for $40/night. In Viet Nam, that's a lot of money considering the average worker makes about $1500/year. Tim and his fiancée, Shelley, are going to stay at a separate hotel than us because they want their privacy for some reason. Damn kids nowadays!

I had to call the popo last night when I got home from work because the neighbor's (they actually live around the corner) badass rottweiler/boxer/demonbeast dog tried to attack me and my two little shi-tzu's when I took them out to go pee pee and pooh pooh. I don't think I've ever dropped the f-bomb more times than I did when the owner came over and tried to corral Satan's four-legged spawn. I even went inside the house and grabbed my popo-certified bad-guy-beatdown mag-lite that weighs about 20 pounds and threatened to beat the furry evil-incarnate down with it. Then my senses (and my wife yelling at me to stop) took over and I realized it wasn't the dog's fault that Charon had ferried him halfway down the river Styx to await his judgment in Hades. It's the owner's fault. Dog's owned by humans generally don't become fiery evil-eyed beasts by themselves. You can blame that on the ignorant redneck owners.

My baby's back and looking better than ever! I got my car back from the body shop and it looks great. Since Nicole's best friend's husband owns the body shop, he really put some extra elbow grease into cleaning it up and it's as shiny as a brand new nickel. It didn't look that nice when I bought it. I even had to take a picture of it which I'll get posted on here as soon as I can.

Nicole and I found out we have a neighborhood whore cat. Not only does she already have some welfare kittens roaming around our backyard, she now is in heat and having sex within a few feet of our front porch. It's actually quite a site to witness. She had sex twice – with two different cats - this past Wednesday within a couple hours of each other. I personally thought it was too cold outside to be having sex but it didn't look like it bothered her. After all, she did it twice and seemed to like it. Maybe it was the snow falling on cedars all around her that created the romantic setting. After one of the young studs got done with his bizznass, he peed on one of the tires on my rental car! How rude. Of course it was spraying all over so Lord only knows where he was actually aiming his tool.

The Colts win the Super Bowl and then ... WHAM!

You've got to be kidding me. Sitting in my car on a highway off ramp on the way to work, I was in pure bliss enjoying my euphoria from the Colts win in the Super Bowl the night before and waiting for the traffic to clear so I could merge into traffic. All of a sudden, WHAM! My car lurches forward, my head snaps backward and the sound of metal crunching into metal reverberates through my body. Someone just rear ended me! The only thing I could think of was "You've got to be kidding me." When I had pulled up to the street and was waiting for the traffic to clear, there hadn't been anyone behind me. I never even saw him coming. I got out of my car and surveyed the damage. Luckily for me (I guess), most of the auto body parts and glass on the ground were from his car. However, my rear bumper cover was now dangling in the wind like one of Rex Grossman's passes and my left rear light cover looked like it had been smashed in by Bob Sanders' fist. Great. Apparently, the other driver couldn't get stopped in time and slid through the snow like a hiked football in Rex Grossman's hands. I guess I should have expected it. During my whole 1 ½ mile journey on the bypass, I passed one semi that had been rear ended by one car who had in turn been rear ended by another car, two other cars who had slid off the road into the ditch and two semis who has simply set "Screw it" and pulled their semis off the road to wait for the melee to pass. The officer who responded to my wreck said they had had 20 wrecks in 60 minutes on the bypass. In fact, we had two squad cars respond to our wreck that were actually looking for two other wrecks involving personal injuries. What a morning! It ended up working out as well as it could I guess. He happened to have the same insurance company as I do and the wreck will be covered as well as a rental while it's being fixed. I wonder if they'll pay for a Hummer? That would rock.